Informal Essay

I would say that I am a typical teenager. Monday through Friday I attend school, followed by volleyball practice, and I also play basketball for Kitchener. Between practices, tournaments and homework I should still have time to go out and have fun, right? Wrong. My hectic schedule makes it a rare occurrence for me to get the required 8 to 9 hours of sleep at night, and even more unlikely for me to show up to school with all my homework completed. It may not be obvious to most, but there is an immense, superfluous amount of stress that burdens the average student athlete.

It is an infrequent circumstance for me to be prepared for all of my classes. I seem to always be finishing up an assignment or homework at lunch, and see others doing the same. This is not because I don’t budget my time wisely. I do budget my time, but there is just not enough of it. I haven’t gone out with my friends since the short break after first semester exams. I feel that taking a break to have fun is a very important thing for kids my age to do, and I wish very much that I could do it more often. Every night I ask myself ‘should I go to practice and get behind on my homework, or skip practice, complete my assignment, and get benched at the next game? Or should I do both and get 3 hours of sleep?’ The question ‘should I take a break and go out tonight?’ is one that has not be pulled from the back of my mind in quite some time.

The pressure and anxiety of being a senior student athlete does not rest when I do. In the few hours when I am eating, driving or sleeping, I am constantly concerned about university acceptances and paying tuition, and wondering ‘what do I want to do with my life?’ It seems like every time that question is posed, (which is often as it has become the new icebreaker for conversation) I have no answer. This worries me. Some adults tell me not to fret, that I have ages to sort it out. I don’t have ages. The deadline for university applications has already passed, seeing me applying to the programs I think I want. Even now I do not know if I chose the right ones. I feel nervous not knowing, not having a plan, and appearing lost. This making it up as I go along didn’t used to scare me. That used to be the rule I lived by: one day at a time. My opinions, desires, likes and dislikes varied with the days. It did not matter because I had no important decisions with looming deadlines attached.

Now I am back to one day at a time, but instead of just living that way, it feels like I am struggling through day by day. Like I can only make it through a tough basketball practice by knowing I can sleep after. Like I can only finish a mountain of homework by not thinking about doing the same thing tomorrow. Like I can only make my way through school, volleyball, basketball, and then homework by not looking more than one hour ahead, and not focusing on doing the exact same thing the next day. It is a strategy that works for me, but I don’t like it. Living day by day because it is the only way to avoid a mental breakdown is much, much different from living in the moment because I have no decisions, no troubles, and no cares.